a looong time

i honestly can't believe how fast time has gone in these last few weeks. i guess i have been pretty busy, although i can't really remember with what. i did get to see a friend that i grew up with. it was very nice to see her. it's a little weird now, though, as i think it will take a little getting used to the fact that we are both adults. but there is good stuff there, and always has been, so i think it is worth the effort.

i think it's hard for me to see people i used to know. i don't really like them seeing how much weight i have gained since they knew me. and i am sure that none of them judge me for it, but i do, and i put that on them. for whatever reason, i think it matters more to me what she thinks then almost anyone else. and so it is hard for me to just be myself. because i don't really feel comfortable with myself around her yet. i am sure the more i see her the better it will get, but it was hard.

another one of my friends made an effort-a big effort-to change some hard things last week. it made me feel very proud of her. i of all people know how hard it can be to motivate one's self to change. it never feels worth it. and it is hard to get perspective on things. but she did, and i think it's great.

speaking of change...wes and i got up early this morning to go for a walk! i never get up early to do anything. i was pretty happy with myself. until i stepped outside and felt the bitter cold. we didn't go very far or long. but at least we tried. and maybe tomorrow will be better.

well, it's late and i should sleep. if wes would ever get home from his meeting. later, all.