experiences

i have really been thinking a lot lately about the experiences we have. how each experience that we share with another person strengthens our bond to them, for good or for bad. sometimes these experiences are very similar to each other, and so blend into each other. sometimes these experiences are very different from each other, and so are remembered in greater clarity. when i think back over my relationships, it's the experiences that i remember. the more mundane, or repetitious, as well as the extraordinary. take my relationship with wes for example. when i think back over the last 8 years together, i remember a zillion meals we ate together, all blurred into the each other. i remember our trip to hawaii in greater detail, as this was not something we had ever done before. i like this way of looking at life and relationships. i like thinking about every event that you do with someone else as adding another layer to the relationship, to the bond. it's the same with jesus, i suppose. the more we do with him, the deeper our bond, the more shared experiences we have. i am sure this is something that everyone else thought about when they were like, 8, but i have always been a little slow for my age.

late night

why is it that i found myself exhausted at 8 pm today, ready to go to bed. and now it's after 12 and i still can't sleep? i find this highly annoying. i think it has to do with the heat. and my brain won't turn off. i think about the dumbest things like whether i can hear wes moving, or if i can smell rain coming, or if i should call a friend tomorrow. like i won't have time tomorrow to decide if i should call her. as if it's even a decision that merits much thought at all. it's like my brain is a 6 year old trying to come up with excuses as to why it should still be allowed up.

do you ever miss who someone used to be? and the relationship you used to have? i do. with a few older friends. and it makes it so hard for me to move on and be friends with them now, whoever they are now. because i want what used to be. but i don't want to live in the past. i want to love who people are right now. i want to allow the people close to me room to grow and become. i want to grow and become. oh but this is hard. and oh how i hate hard things. but i feel like jesus is so challenging me in this. hard is not worse, it's just hard. but i have a tough time believing this in my heart. anyways, there goes my brain again, trying to find a reason to stay up. good night

jann arden

so, i got to go to the fabulous jann arden concert this last week. man that girl can sing. and sing. and sing. i have finally realized why i have no singing talent. god gave all of mine to jann. i think it was a good move on god's part, because she is a treat to listen to. and funny. she kept posing for pictures for people while she was singing. i was pretty ticked that i forgot my camera. i went with naomi, and we were 4th row from the front. it was neat to be so close. it was a fantastic concert experience. it was sad, though, to realize that she really doesn't know jesus. there was just something missing from the whole experience. she is actually very spiritual, but i guess that just reminded me that being spiritual is so not enough. and oh man the lesbians. lesbians lesbians every where. and they all have the same haircut. it's kind of like the military. i don't get that. i can understand deciding that men aren't for you (boy can i understand that some days...) and that you love women in a romantic way. i get that. but i don't understand the hair cut. i could see cutting your hair very short in a masculine type way if in fact you felt especially masculine, but it was also some very feminine women who had this short hair cut. i guess i just don't understand. and unfortunately i do not know an abundance of gay women who i can ask. i guess it will just have to be one of life's great mysteries. anyways. to summerize: jann was great but a little dark, naomi and i had a great time-just as friends, and i don't understand why it seems like all gay women have short hair.

cute kids

i work in an office in someone's home. while this has it's pros and cons, one of the best pros is that i get to see 3 children every day. children i love, children i have watched grow up. today the two girls were/did especially cute things. taycla is the oldest. she is a serious child. she thinks through what she says. this is not to say that she isn't fun. she definitely knows how to play, but she is also serious. she loves to ask me questions about all different aspects of my life. she always wants to know what i am eating for lunch. we talk often about my favorite color, or the color of my eyes, or the clothes i am wearing. i am often delighted by the things she thinks to ask. today i heated my lunch in the microwave and the bowl was hot. i was wearing a sweatshirt and i pulled the sleeve over my hand while i held the bottom of the bowl. taycla asked my why i had done this. i explained that the bowl was hot and i didn't want to burn my hand. then she asked if i liked my food "piping hot". what 4 year old knows that phrase? it was so cute. ethne, the middle child, brought me a snack in my office that she made herself. it consisted of plain puffed wheat, a few cornflakes, teddy grahams, some other chocolate animal cookie type thing, and some broken crackers. it was a horrible snack, but i really liked that she wanted to make it and bring it to me. she also thought to make one for wes, which was also pretty cute. i think she was disappointed that he wasn't there. later loretta, the kids mom and my friend, told me that after ethne had assembled the snack, she wanted to pour water and bubbles in the bowl. i was thankful that loretta had stopped that.

so wes is basically finished his school for the year. i can already tell what a difference the lack of stress is. he is so much happier.

in other news...oh wait, there is no other news. our lives are sailing along, quietly, uneventfully. i like it this way, really. sometimes some excitement is good, but i like the quiet routine of life as well.

unfortunately for you, my reader, this means a very boring blog.

c'est la vie!

virginia tech

what an awful thing to have happened. 32 people walking around, just living their lives, and then 5 minutes later they have been shot by a fellow student. how can someone exist beside us, and hold such evil inside, and nobody really sees it. i know it happens all the time. jeffrey dahmer was an ideal neighbor. charles manson was the boy girls wanted to date. it makes me sad that this boy was so alone. that he hated so much more than he loved or felt loved. i am sad for the families and friends of the people who happened to cross his path that day. the people he killed.

spring has sprung...i hope

i love, love, love spring. it is so glorious. i love the smell of it, and feel of the air. it makes me happy to not have to wear a jacket. god knew what he was doing when he invented spring.

i am looking forward to this weekend. i think wes and i will get to have a quiet night together tonight. i am happy he'll be done school soon. i fully support what he is doing, and am so proud of how hard he works, but it's nice to know that for the summer, he will just go to work and then we will have evenings free.

can i talk a little about wes? of course i can, it's my blog. i have never met anyone who makes me laugh as hard or as often as him. am he makes me feel so safe. i never have to wear my armour at home, he will never attack me. he is so helpful. if there is something i would like him to do, he tries his best. i think he really wants me to be happy. and he tries to help me in that endeavor. he can get really crabby, but even that (if i have perspective) is funny. he is so gentle. he helps around the house. he tells me he loves me like a zillion times a day because he knows i like to hear it. he is a fantastic kisser. he is a very hardworker. i don't really know why i wanted to say all of these things. maybe because it's spring and i am twitterpated.

thanks for reading!